This post is no joking matter. This post is no lie. This event happened to me just last week. It was a No Good, Very, Very Bad Day!
When I came home from work last week, I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally drained, and in severe pain. Typically, the pain is a migraine or my hip. This day, it manifested in my spine.
I walk to and from work every day, but on that particular day, my tiredness and stress overwhelmed me, leading to a severe depressive episode. It was so intense that I felt hatred towards everything and everyone, and my pain seemed endless. I felt utterly defeated.
Some advice suggests reaching out to someone who can talk you through it. This person may not be familiar with your situation or the medication you take. Your advisor encourages you to try talking to someone, anyone.
I tried.
What happened, you ask? That’s easy; I got “snubbed.” Why? Only God knows. It did not make matters any better. It deepened the despair. My two human canines watched me as I fell asleep crying, and all they could do was lick away my tears as I hugged them as tight as they’d let me.
This episode highlighted the challenges of living with ‘bipolar disorder’ and the importance of finding effective coping mechanisms.
How did it feel? I can’t put it into words. My stressor was about the evolution of the brain. You don’t want to read, and you don’t want to write anything from your language. But yet, I’m the one having to refresh my memory for what I remember of the Spanish language so that you can be an idiot towards me. I haven’t touched it or even spoken it in over 30 years. It’s quite an experience.
I don’t mind refreshing my memory, but the stupidity has to go. It gives me a migraine. Whether in Spanish or English, the paper reads one thing; mind you, the papers are all over the place, and you come to the counter and try to tell me how to do my job. Or you tell me that you can’t read? I mean, really? One thing for you to tell me you can’t read instead of me assuming you can’t because you’re ignoring the issue.
The “I will do what I want” attitude is childish and idiotic. I might flirt. I can be facetious sometimes, but I am not an idiot with an attitude or even an idiot. Nor did I like this depressive state I was in last week.
My attitude now says, “If it gives me a headache, I don’t care!” I don’t need a headache nor want one. I’m trying to relieve as much stress from my life as I can. I cannot alleviate the idiocy of others.
I’m not leaving out that I was “snubbed,” left to brew, or whatever you want to call it. It was an absolute ignore. While it might seem beneficial to let someone dwell in sorrow, it can quickly take a negative turn.
The night did turn out ok, even though it could have been worse. Thank God for my Service Dogs – Ace, Spade, and the newly added family member, Dolly. They made my night a little bearable for me.
Despite the hardships, I am determined to manage my stress and continue my journey of self-discovery. Writing about these experiences helps me process, grow, and heal.
I know this post is long, the longest you will see me write, but I needed to get it out. I had to show that ‘bipolar disorder’ is no joking matter. Bipolar disorder CAN get astronomically bad on those rare occurrences. I will not talk about what went through my head during that night. I don’t think anyone would like me after I explained it to them. It WAS NOT good.
All I can say is, “Welcome to my World.” May you have a thrilling ride, and may you discover and understand more about what bipolar disorder does to the brain of the content creator. We have a journey ahead of us.
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