I have used my pseudonym of Alyiana Brandenburg for centuries. It is not because of the stigma associated with mental illnesses. It is for protection. I am not fleeing the law. I am fleeing an abusive situation, but I love to write. I have wanted to do this for years and finally found the courage to do something that friends and family have wanted me to do. That is to write down my memoirs in my form and fashion. You see, I am living with “Bipolar Disorder,” and I have come a long way from my original diagnosis of a “mood disorder” that the doctors had me take Stelazine.
I did not understand then because I was 17. I was pretty clueless about the outside world and never heard of “mental illnesses” until that day. I went to a medical facility that diagnosed me because of my behavior, my overspending, and my acting out. I will not post the names of doctors or hospitals because they are closed now. It has been that long.
I remember being in the hospital like it was yesterday. I now realize I had a “manic episode.” I felt like I was going crazy and couldn’t do anything about it. I felt like I was bouncing off the walls. The feeling of running around like a chicken with its head cut off! Yeah, that was it. I was cut off from my family and my friends for a month if memory serves me right. If someone had sat me down, got me to calm down to talk to me, and told me what the problem was, it might have worked out for me. But things don’t always go right when you’re young and think you know everything.
17 and 18 were not my best years. Hell, for that matter, up until I was 30, I thought I knew it all. I kept telling myself that I would change, I would do this, I would do that, and nothing came of it until I made a massive change.
That’s a later post, but we’re staying on my 17 and 18-year-old self.
Let’s start this journey!
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